


Emotional Distancing

by madamecrimson



Category: Buzzfeed Unsolved (Web Series), Watcher Entertainment RPF
Genre: Feelings Realization, Fluff, I'm too soft don't look at me, M/M, Pandemics, Pining, Quarantine
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-04
Updated: 2020-12-04
Packaged: 2021-03-10 03:55:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 649
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27877958
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/madamecrimson/pseuds/madamecrimson
Summary: When quarantine restrictions are loosened to the point where people are able to physically interact with a limited number of people close to them, Shane has to contend with the emotions he's been avoiding.
Relationships: Ryan Bergara/Shane Madej
Comments: 8
Kudos: 59





	Emotional Distancing

The first time Watcher had met collectively in person since March to film "Too Many Spirits" almost hadn't felt real. 

It was probably just some sort of psychological mumbo jumbo about relativity and perspective, but walking into the Bergara's backyard had been An Experience. 

The bright colors of the garden plants, the high pitched barking of Micky and Dori, the scent of Tequila. 

And Ryan. 

Well, of course, there was the rest of the Watcher team as well, but Ryan was his best friend. His best friend who had been the person he'd seen the most over the past five years with how rigorous their work schedule was and how stubborn they both were about getting things just right. 

He'd certainly felt the absence of seeing Ryan face to face, but he wasn't about to admit, to himself or anyone else, the questionable length of their daily Zoom calls. 

Their eyes met upon seeing each other, and Shane felt his stomach flutter. His heart was racing and he felt light-headed all of a sudden. 

"Hey big guy," Ryan had greeted with one of his signature glowing grins. 

Shane had felt his knees buckle. 

"What's up Bergmeister?" he'd replied, unable to help the wide smile on his face. 

The interaction itself was rather anticlimactic and yet Shane felt like he had just reached the precipice of something that had been building for awhile. 

He could blame his initial reaction on the novelty of seeing people in person again, the warmth in his chest, the goosebumps on his skin, and the flush of his cheeks all on the alcohol. 

It was very easy between "Too Many Spirits" and "Unsolved" to fall back into a give and take rhythm of banter with Ryan. Things almost began to feel semi-normal again. 

But there was always ache left lingering in Shane's gut whenever shooting wrapped up for the day. He would loved to have allowed himself to believe that this was a new development, the cause of pandemic-related restlessness, a stomach ulcer. Anything but what it actually was. 

When Shane was around Ryan, he could feel something vibrating beneath his skin, something ardent and massive that felt like it would be terrifying upon release. 

He can't identify what exactly this feeling is until they begin shooting the second season of TMS. 

Or rather, he doesn't allow himself to even acknowledge it. 

Quarantine restrictions have loosened enough that when he arrives on set, he sees Steven greeting Brittney with a hug.

"Hey big guy," he hears, causing him to turn around. 

Ryan's standing there, beaming at him, his arms dangling almost awkwardly by his sides. 

Shane is about to greet him in reply, when he feels two strong, warm arms wrap themselves around him, drawing him close against something solid and familiar. He feels like someone's yanked the air from his lungs, and he tries to hide the way his hands are shaking as he slips his arms around Ryan's waist. 

He feels like he couldn't speak if he tried, and something in his heart clenches when he hears Ryan's broken off sob against his chest. 

"I missed you, you big lug," Ryan mumbles and Shane feels bowled over with affection. "I know saying you missed me back will cause you to spontaneously combust into Shanefetti, but lucky for you I'm big ol' sap who can cry enough for the both of us." 

When Ryan pulls away with a sniffle and a smile, walking over towards the crew, Shane feels like he's been struck by lightning, electricity jolting through his body, and leaving permanent marks behind. 

He has to take a deep breath and turn away from everything for a moment, feel raw and exposed. 

He knows he'll never be able to tell Ryan, or anyone else for that matter, but he doesn't think he'll be able to keep the truth from himself. 

Love stinks.


End file.
